A week of shattered hearts
This week my heart shattered for two of my friends who found themselves, suddenly, out of a job. I’ve known these two people for nearly 8 and 10 years. These two friends were also colleagues of mine for those 8 and 10 years, but they’re more friends than colleagues. I’ve watched, on the sidelines, while people in the technology and advertising industries have lost their jobs over the last year. Seeing the LinkedIn “Open to Work” banners popping up everywhere in my network. I’m also senior enough to understand the business impacts companies are facing and how the numbers work. This isn’t a post blaming organizations for the actions they need to take in order to stay in business. It’s utterly unfortunate, life changing circumstances that leave people feeling shocked, mad, sad, terrified and in a state of spiral. While I admire all of the LinkedIn posts of people looking for jobs, and documenting their opinions and progress along with the hobbies they’ve taken up, I find it harder to find people sharing about how it just sucks. Period. And I get that, too. It’s a very vulnerable place to share from, especially to your professional network. The problem is that it creates a false sense of normal (and achievement) when in fact there is no normal for when someone is in this position.
While I’ve never been laid off (yet) from a job, I did show up to my agency job nearly ten years ago to find out they were closed. As of that very moment. (That’s a story for another time and totally bonkers.) I’m not going to tell you what I did right. Instead, here is, plain and simple, what I did. I freaked the F out. My life was a lot different then because I was single (had just met my husband), no kids, no savings and no idea what I should do. I drank a lot. Was pissed off a lot. I didn’t feel worthy of another job, as if this was somehow my fault. I cannot say exactly what I would do if I lost my job tomorrow. I’d likely freak the F out again and be really pissed off.
What I hope would be different is how I would care for myself and how I’d speak to myself. What I’m working on most, right now, is creating space for myself and owning the time I need for myself. It can feel selfish, and with my own personal conditioned beliefs, unwarranted. Like I don’t deserve it. When our worlds come crashing down around us, like with a job loss, death or illness, it’s comfortable and easy to reconfigure ourselves back into the old molds of ourselves, despite the work we’ve done to create magical new versions of ourselves – and despite the fact that we logically believe we deserve the new versions of ourselves.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with a really hard situation. Seriously. We can see what everyone else is doing and think we should do the same, but it doesn’t work like that. What refuels, validates and makes someone else happy may be a completely different formula for us. When we doom scroll on social media, and even LinkedIn these days, it’s easy to think everyone else has their shit together. THEY DO NOT. This is easier said than done, but please do not look to others for your worthiness. This means your job too. Seek that love, compassion and worth from within YOU. Take worthiness off the plate that holds your shit sandwich (whatever the situation is) and know that you’re whole and complete just as you are right now. You’re so much more than a role and a job. It’s one piece of your puzzle, of your story. Own the next chapters however it works best for you. It might be sloppy, and that’s OK. You might need more space and time, and that’s OK.
Speak to yourself the way you would a friend of yours, in this situation. Take care of you the way you would a friend of yours, in this situation. Start with compassion for you.
To anyone out of a job that thinks coaching might help you or you just want to try it, I’ll coach you for free. Email me: ajourneytofindjoy@gmail.com.
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