No one told me, or taught me, to find my true self and intuition. I sought external validation from my work, appearance and status. When I started to unravel this, that inner voice was gone and buried. Life is mostly trial and error. Imperfectly, I listen to my body and inner voice simultaneously. They work together to inform me. It’s beautiful!

I really dislike all of the hype around New Year resolutions and “starting new” – but not for the reasons you might think. Last year I wrote about setting intentions for the year, instead of resolutions. Intentions have true purpose behind them and they tend to be tied to our values, making them more meaningful and desirable.

Patterns are just “any regularly repeated arrangement”, according to the Cambridge Dictionary. Yes, I am oversimplifying. For us humans, it’s more complicated than that because we’ve created these patterns for years and years, decades, even.

Notice some of the recurring patterns in our life. Make note of them in a journal, post-it-note or even just mentally. Then we can play with the idea of making the smallest of tweaks and seeing what happens. There’s that trial and error again! It’s not until we notice what we’re doing and what’s occurring that we’re able to conceive something else taking its place. 

This “always-on” mentality eventually burns out. How can I tell this is happening? A few ways:

1. Physically there is a tension in my body. I am physically bracing for something to happen. My body is ready for anything – and it’s waiting for it. My neck is stiff, my jaw is clenched, my belly is constricted.

2. Mentally my mind is racing. It is trying to figure out what it cannot see – desperately looking to predict the future. Headaches, frustration and issues with my sleep show up.

3. Emotionally I find myself feeling defeated. I’m upset with myself but cannot pinpoint exactly why. I feel a bit like a failure for no reason. Sadness and depression creep in.

My recovery had a lot of twists and turns, but initially my success came from the recovery capital – AKA privileges – I had from my individual situation.  This is the 1% of the recovery community. If everyone had this we’d see a lot more success in recovery.  This is why I decided to start the journey to become a Recovery Coach. In addition to my life & wellness coaching, I want to support people in any phase of recovery. From curiosity to use reduction to abstinence – it doesn't matter.  Whether you are thinking about drinking less or are hiding a drug addiction and feel shame. I can help you.

When life gets hectic, difficult, or when I’m not feeling well mentally or physically, I turn to planning mode to dissociate from my day-to-day life. It’s a coping mechanism where I can detach from my feelings and emotions but still be productive. A sneaky coping mechanism! The problem with these types of coping mechanisms is that we’re praised for them by society. We’re seen as high functioning and ‘doing it all’. Our social norms love us! But, then we crash because it is not sustainable. Moreso, some of us start to recognize the madness and dissatisfaction that it creates within us and we pause to question it. Then we unravel the beautiful mess that it truly is and we start to learn and grow from it. This is evolution!

I stopped in my tracks because this tree presented such humanness to me. Perhaps it was a spirit guide of some sort begging me to stop and be present with it. To take a hard look at what will one day, hopefully, be a mirror of myself standing among the new generations as weathered and wrinkled but still not weary of the next season.

As we near the mid-mark of the year I’ve revisited my intentions for the year and feel very much still aligned with them. I do believe that if we’re inquisitive, introspective and curious we’re setting ourselves up for evolution and growth on a daily basis. This is my main driver this year and it’s eliminated some pressure of perfectionistic living while opening up an endless treasure of compassion for myself and others (which also still requires a daily reminder and that’s OK!).

While we joke that each day can feel like groundhog’s day, I invite you to slow down and start noticing how different each day truly is. Starting picking up on subtleties you have not seen or experienced before. I think you may be surprised how different each moment truly is and how different you are in each moment. Slow down and be with you.

Let’s make a new golden rule. One that serves others and us! Be kind, treat people with love.

What I needed most, and still do, is myself. Self love, compassion and grace. As long as I am happy with the effort I am putting into things – life – that’s the only judge I need. My decisions on matters and how I show up for myself are rooted in love, not fear. I’m so over fear ruling my life. A piece of advice, if you’ll read it: First, ask yourself if you’re happy with how you handled a situation or processed a challenging time. If the answer is yes, then be proud and celebrate your growth. If the answer is no, it’s time to explore why.

Superficial relationships are abundant. These deep, raw, authentic relationships are what make life unique and beautiful. It starts with us, though. Showing up as ourselves, unapologetically. Living in our values, unapologetically.

Understanding how we’re feeling and why is the starting point to determining our next steps. This is our life to live so why not make it manageable and, dare I say, fabulous!

Interested in evolving? I can help! Book a free call today and see what coaching can do for you.

What are your values? What’s the price for your values? Adaptation is important but at what cost?

We all need a chance to get back to our baseline after the holiday. Once we’re re-settled we can entertain change and evolution.

I have several more intentions that are important to me as I head into 2024. They’re guideposts for how I’d like to evolve throughout the year. Every so often, throughout the year, I check in on my list and see if those intentions are still in alignment with my life and values. Sometimes they shift slightly or take on a whole new meaning, but they remain in some form. If you’re thinking of doing an intentions list, my advice is to dig deeper than a typical New Year’s resolution. What’s going to change the course of your happiness, reduce the pressure, allow you to be more present or return to your values in 2024?

This time of year that is fueled by expectations of go-go-go, do-do-do, buy-buy-buy and, if you’re like me, trying to do it as perfectly as possible. A recipe for a volcanic eruption and the opposite of what we’re trying to do for ourselves and our families during this magical time of year. Ugh, so what to do.

SELF-CARE, COMPASSION & CURIOSITY

Children learn to regulate through us, as parents, first. My job as a parent DOES include more than keeping them alive :) So if I’m unable to do this for myself, how will my children learn? They won’t. Instead, they’ll learn other poor coping mechanisms that will not serve them for their lifetime and

The ebb and flow of life will not change. How big is my basket that holds all of the curveballs, hardships and disappointments that life tosses my way? Is my basket big enough to hold everything? If it’s not big enough, then I go back to basics and try to rebuild it.

The key here is that we can choose to be a little more curious when we’re furious or judging someone. And, the same thing goes for us when we find ourselves with that negative, abusive self-talk. Notice it. Pause. Get Curious. Learn something about yourself or others. Most of all, use your energy for something positive, or at the least, not on something negative.

So the question I have is, “Are we curious enough?”. If I’m harboring ill feelings about someone or something and take a moment to get still and ask the question “Why?”, it’s a very pivotal point for our own wellbeing and evolution.