Choose Curious Over Furious
When I’m teaching workshops or doing 1-1 sessions with clients one of the tools I share early on is noticing. Simply noticing what’s going on in your body and how you’re feeling. Once we start noticing what’s happening in our body, we can then pay attention to what is specifically occurring in situations or circumstances where you’re not showing up in a way that meets our values and leaves us feeling bad. Meaning, what do you like and not like about how you’re feeling and when these are happening. What are the trends in these circumstances? It’s hard, nearly impossible, to make any kind of small changes if we’re not noticing either our bodily responses or tracking the circumstances. It’s very important for this first step to be without judgment of ourselves. If we want to make changes, we must also be kind to ourselves in the process. We might not like what we’re uncovering, so it’s important to have self compassion.
Then I ask folks to GET CURIOUS. At this point we’ve uncovered some trends. When A happens, I feel B. When C happens, I feel D. So when A happens, what about that situation makes me feel B? This is getting curious about ourselves and situations. So many times we’re reacting because it’s how we’ve always reacted, or we’re reacting the way we were modeled / conditioned to react. Have you ever actually stopped and asked “Why am I so pissed off at this?”. “What about this situation makes me so angry and WHY?”. These are simple questions that can unlock knowledge of ourselves. It can also help us take agency back over ourselves and our responses.
There was a Ted Lasso episode where he quoted Walt Whitman saying “Be curious not judgmental”. This was actually a misquote as it wasn’t actually Walt Whitman that said it (and no one really knows who said it!). The internet exploded about this, you can see for yourself. Nevertheless, the lesson is so pivotal for higher self growth. Similarly, people have said things like “Curious over Furious”. Whatever version of this you want is just fine. The key here is that we can choose to be a little more curious when we’re furious or judging someone. And, the same thing goes for us when we find ourselves with that negative, abusive self-talk. Notice it. Pause. Get Curious. Learn something about yourself or others. Most of all, use your energy for something positive, or at the least, not on something negative.
I used to think that I needed to know everything. In work and in life. I felt out of place, behind peers and not good enough. I felt flawed for years. What I have found, through this work, is that this is actually a beautiful thing. I’m very introspective and I find myself in continuous growth. Now I feel very empowered to be more curious. There is no finish line for growth or knowledge. Plus, spoiler alert, the way things change so often leaves everyone in an excellent place for constant learning and evolution. We just get stuck sometimes, and when we do get stuck, we can turn to curiosity to learn something new about ourselves, others and the world. Wouldn’t that make this planet a beautiful place to live?
Interested in evolving? I can help! Book a free call today and see what coaching can do for you.