Lessons from a waterpark
I recently went on a trip with my five year old. It was a momma-daughter only trip to a large hotel + indoor water park. Prior to this trip we’d planned a much larger trip, overseas, that didn’t come to fruition for us. Bummed, we made this smaller trip and spent a few days away. This was her first time in a hotel room! We usually do Airbnb’s and I strategically book those based on location, size needed and toys included in the amenities. That last part started in an effort to be more exciting during the pandemic when we would try to change our four walls every so often. When we arrived in our hotel room, she was surprised to see zero toys in our room. My first lesson of the trip: the little things I do for my kids, when they know no other way, can set them up for surprises and misunderstandings. Silly but true.
This trip was something I was so excited about. I’d been thinking about doing a trip, just the two of us, for a while now. We’d snuggle in bed with snacks and a show. Eat out together. Laugh and play. You know, all the amazing fantasy stuff. Half of which are things that I, as a 40+ year old, would love to do. She’s five though!
One thing I know about myself is that I tend to enjoy the anticipation of things more than the actual thing. This is something I notice more and more and try to intentionally be aware of, once said thing is happening. This trip was no different, and I learned a few more things.
I had elevated this experience so much in the days leading up to it that when it arrived, I found myself tired before we started our drive. Even more though, I found myself nervous about how each day, hour and moment would unfold. I was caught up in trying to control the moments, trying to make them perfect. I was worried about having enough energy or enough fun to match the anticipated energy and fun I had played up so much in my mind. Our first night I found myself grumpy and snippy trying to get settled and go to sleep. I was nervous for the next FULL day of waterpark, arcade, candy, icee bliss. How that translated to my five year old was frustration that she couldn’t fall asleep (candy, new environments and intense kid–centered everything will do that!) and threatening consequences for the next day. I was disappointed in myself. I wasn’t living up to the expectations of the trip or my standards as a mom.
I realized that I need to be extra intentional about being present when I am nervous about how something will turn out. My nerves would love to predict the outcome of things and sabotage my experiences.
Setting boundaries in circumstances like a kid-centered hotel of never ending fun is HARD. I wanted her to have a special time which meant bending some rules. More candy/treats, more grace on tantrums and poor listening, more money spent on crap that five year olds like to collect and less enforcement of early bedtimes. That said, children need boundaries in order to feel safe. No boundaries and they’re left on their own which their little bodies cannot handle and shouldn’t be burdened with. The line is thinned in circumstances like this. At this age, she also doesn’t understand greed or money, really, at all. Seeing her expectations of getting things – toys, candy, you name it – was eye-opening and scary. Again, another boundary for her to understand how this experience was different and not our normal existence. This was hard for her and something that I had not considered.
I quickly knew I needed a special blend of boundaries and grace. We started each day with a healthy breakfast – the same as at home. Her body needed to have a stable foundation each day. I tried making my language extra understanding when tantrums started. I gave her options so she could choose, even if they weren’t exactly what she wanted.
This was a new experience for both of us. I was trying to ride the line of mothering and having fun. In the end, I needed to trust my momma instincts. A few times I second-guessed myself. One time, in particular, was a discussion about her pillow border on the bed. I didn’t want her to fall out while she was sleeping. She thought I was overreacting. I compromised and removed one. Each hour I woke up, unintentionally, and looked to see where she was in bed. I’m not sure how she sleeps while she does circles in her bed! Then I woke up to a loud thud which was her head hitting the floor. The decision to remove that one pillow went against my gut. I shared the bed with her the rest of the night, sad that I didn’t listen to my instinct and happy to be next to her. She barely remembered the incident in the morning, and that was OK. It wasn’t a lesson for her. It was a lesson for me.
In the end, it was a fun trip for both of us. We both had our hard moments, got mad, then apologized to each other. That last part is key. I’m not teaching my kids that they need to be perfect. I am teaching them that they need to apologize when they’ve had a hard moment and didn’t make the best decision. There are no bad people, just bad decisions. That is the language we use in our house and it’s important for my children to know that – for forgiveness of others and of themselves when needed. I believed I was a bad person for far too long. Have I made bad decisions? YES. I’m human. I’m grateful to truly know, now, that I’m not a bad person. There is life after bad decisions. Life after shame.
So, as she and I settled back into reality by going to bed on time, eating less candy, having some vegetables and going back to school and work, I’m going to remember these lessons and try to use them in my normal everyday life. The much larger trip, no doubt, would have had more lessons. These few lessons would have shown up too, though. They’ll continue to show up, I’m sure of it.
We can’t always be heads down or have our nose in a self help book. Where’s the fun in that? Today, I’m much more interested in feeling how things sit with me, reflecting on moments and finding nuggets of teachings. This is real life learning, exploring and evolving. It starts with us, as individuals. We can notice opportunities for growth within us and change how we show up the next time.