Middle Seat

This will be a short post. No particular reason. Some weeks I have this intense inner calling to write. Some weeks I have a solid topic in mind to write on. This week I had neither, and it’s important to me to stay transparent and authentic with you. If I’m not feeling like I have a lot to say then I won’t.

Every time I started writing I found myself feeling a mix of centeredness and drive to speak about something unrelated. I think I’m processing a lot internally (nothing new!) but also feeling for the first time, maybe ever, a middle of the road OK-ness. I’m used to feeling low or very anxious. Since I stopped drinking, I’ve experienced really high highs. Those high highs started to fade, and I got scared at first and teetered-totted between high and low for a while. This week, with a lot going (like all of you!)I found myself in a middle spot. I would fight it a bit and definitely felt confused. “What is this place??”. Surely I needed the owner of the paddle to ping pong my butt back to high or low. “Hello??”. 

So I sat with it. I was shrugging my shoulders a lot because I didn’t know what else to do. HA. At times I got deep into my mind and found myself pushing my body into an anxious state. Other times I waited for the bottom to drop out into a depressed funk state. I kept my self care regimen going which held me in a state of regulation. This part wasn’t intentional, meaning I wasn’t doing my self care in an effort to help me in real time. I was doing my self care preventative work, like I always do. Fill up that bank! 

I have a lot on my mind and in time I’ll share more. Right now, I’m going to try to get comfortable in the middle seat. The main takeaway: There IS a middle between highs and lows! Finding it has been a challenge for me but I’m hoping I can hang out here more often.

This week was a rough week for many people. Hug your people, near and far. Tell people what they mean to you and how much you love them. Live right here and now. And, just be kind – to yourself and others.