Change is hard regardless of what is shifting. A behavior, belief, pattern, exercise, eating, reading, learning, etc. Oftentimes, the anticipation of change peaks our worry and/or our unrealistic expectations. It’s important to create space for mishaps so that your day doesn’t crumble when something goes wrong. The space I’m referring to is space within ourselves to hold the heavy day-to-day grind, challenges, frustrations and busyness.

Stress from burnout, wherever it’s coming from, takes a toll on the body physically. The body is trying to keep up with the stress and as a result, our hormones, cortisol and adrenaline get completely out of whack. So what’s the balance? That, my friends, is the million dollar question AND the most unique question of all. There is no correct answer AND it changes day to day. This is why it’s so important to be in tune with yourself, listen to your body – the alarms and subtle signs – and respond in a loving way toward yourself.

The workshops are all about self development and discovery – exploring beliefs, imposter syndrome, self compassion and care. When we show up for work, we sometimes put on our work mask. In these workshops, I’m teaching people about thoughts, beliefs, responses and patterns that can be mostly unconscious for them, so it ends up being very eye-opening. It also creates a space for folks to feel like they’re not alone in these areas. I’m normalizing human existence within a work environment, how neat! People are feeling less alone with struggles and more empowered to care for themselves throughout the workday.

My eating disorder grows different kinds of legs and morphs into new ways of disordered eating and thought patterns. I was originally diagnosed with anorexia at 19, and since then I have had many forms of disordered eating and thinking. While I’m no longer 90 lbs (now, a more “normal weight”), my thoughts, fears and tendencies for disordered eating have run rampant over the years.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with a really hard situation. Seriously. What refuels, validates and makes someone else happy may be a completely different formula for us.

Speak to yourself the way you would a friend of yours, in this situation. Take care of you the way you would a friend of yours, in this situation. Start with compassion for you.

I feel grounded in my marriage, our commitment to one another and, also, to our kids. I feel extreme gratitude to be where I am today - physically, mentally and spiritually. It’s a feeling I didn’t know was possible for decades as I gripped the fears, expectations and societal norms so tightly that I lost the grip on myself. I lost the meaning of my life, consumed with shoulds and coulds and don’ts and dos…I’m happy to be where I am today. The weight is there, it's just feathers instead of stone. At least for this moment.

This is the great thing about coaching and how I help clients on their journeys. Big complicated thing = many small less complicated things. When we start to make small changes, whether in behavior or thought patterns we’re rewiring our brains. If we’ve done something one way most of our life and we change a part of that process we’re basically proving to our brains that there is, indeed, another way.

When I’m living in a state of how I could have / should have shown up it becomes overwhelming and defeating. It also ties right back to reinforcing that I can’t trust myself. When in reality, the simple fact that I’m wondering how I could have shown up differently might be a way to create a deeper trust in myself versus driving my efforts into a space of ‘not good enough’.

Perfectionism and control. Control ties in directly to perfectionism because I desperately try to control every outcome, in an effort to be perfect. I’ve written about constant evolution, being a work-in-progress, trial and error and little victories. Boiling down to themes of self compassion and growth as a journey. So, the past few weeks have been a little surprising having responded in such a limiting way to myself and my growth over the past month. “Two steps forward, once step back”, right? That is such a simple phrase that carries so much weight.

This week I was missing my joy. It was gone. In its place was a familiar foe, seeping in and taking its grip, depression. That heaviness overtaking my entire body. This isn’t the first time it has knocked, desperate to enter, but it was the first time in a long time that I entertained conversations with it. It started last Friday night when another familiar foe visited while I was trying to sleep. Rumination. The endless cycling through scenarios and stories that result in nothing helpful and incite more panic inside of me.

As moms we give and give. We fill everyone’s cup first. It’s draining and depleting. When we start to fill our cups, along with others’ cups, we get to fall in line beside them versus being ahead of and behind them. We get to be more present, more content and more fulfilled with our day-to-day lives. On this Mother’s Day, take the 5-10 minutes. Then take it again on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Take it all week. See how you feel!

The energy spent and physical toll that a panic attack has on an individual is LARGE. After a panic attack it takes me a full day to recover. My brain and body are exhausted. I’m cloudy, not clear headed and very tired. A work belief plays a role as a personal belief – and vice versa – because it is all ONE belief. When we show up as the whole human we are, we can shift beliefs and make change in every environment.

My husband and I were not the couple that brought children into our lives easily. We didn’t have the linear path and timeline. Today starts National Infertility Awareness Week, an initiative that encourages women to share their stores. Infertility doesn’t discriminate and so many couples face challenges.

I desperately want to normalize being normal. I want this for myself but more so for my kids. I want them to feel like they're on the same level simply because we’re all human. This is another opportunity to get curious. This time about others. Stop assuming things about others. Stop sizing ourselves down based on these assumptions. Bring ourselves back up to worthiness!

We can’t always be heads down or have our nose in a self help book. Where’s the fun in that? Today, I’m much more interested in feeling how things sit with me, reflecting on moments and finding nuggets of teachings. This is real life learning, exploring and evolving. It starts with us, as individuals. We can notice opportunities for growth within us and change how we show up the next time.

A short post. Get comfortable in the middle seat. There IS a middle between highs and lows! Finding it has been a challenge for me but I’m hoping I can hang out here more often.

Each journey of growth is unique. When we get into a mindset of creating change in our lives we sometimes can see it as black and white. I either get it or I don’t. I do it or I don’t. I succeed or fail. YIKES! The pressure alone can be nearly too much to start.

If we think about teaching a child to ride a bike, do we expect them to get it on the first try? Nope. Do we expect them to fall sometimes, even after they get the hang of it? Yep. So then why do we set ourselves up differently when we’re trying something new?

Our toolkits change as we go through life. So can our coping mechanisms. What served us when we were 5, 10, 20, 25, 35 will not serve us, in a positive way, forever. It’s ok to go revisit them and make changes. The changes we make for ourselves impact everyone around us. As a parent, that is especially important to me. All of my efforts toward growth are as much for myself as they are for my children. Our children’s nervous systems learn from ours. I don’t want to put the weight of mine on them.

We see more and more women speaking up about topics specific to women. In my mind, this is the first step to creating change. At the very core, this comes down to normalizing what women uniquely endured, are endring and may endure in the future. Allowing voices to be heard and stories to be told, loud and long enough to be heard. This is what then causes curiosity, open mindsets, changes in beliefs and ultimately action.

As the weight melted off of me, the compulsions grew stronger and stronger. The ability to control the very thing that we need to survive is a powerful power. This power turned into powerlessness when I truly believed that I could not stop starving myself, and that if I did start eating, I’d never be able to stop.